Wednesday, 22 July 2015

The last time I met Lewis and The Way Back Up!

I said I wouldn't post again and I said I wouldn't go to see Prides again, but here I am and the promises I never kept...

After Live At Leeds, I did stay away from Prides.  I had tickets for all 3 dates of Dot To Dot festival and to see Prides at the Lighthouse in Glasgow, but I didn't go to any of these events.

However, I did still go to Barn On The Farm festival, at which Prides were playing, as I had arranged to go with my friend and also my favourite artist was also playing there. I didn't plan to actually watch Prides, but my friend obviously wanted to see them as they are still her favourite band, and when it came to their set I stayed with her and I saw them play and it was all good. It did feel a bit weird watching a band who I knew had blocked and hated me. But I was enjoying the festival so much it didn't really matter at the time. (By the way, Barn On The Farm is such a lovely festival, I recommend it to everyone!)

The Monday after Barn On The Farm, Prides were doing a live session at XFM in Manchester.  XFM had done a competition for people to win tickets to this, and I was one of the lucky winners...

I hadn't entered this competition for myself; my friend was desperate to go to this, so I entered with the intention of giving her my ticket if I won and she didn't.  But then we both ended up winning tickets - and each ticket came with a plus one too! I did feel excited to have actually won something and to have the chance to visit the XFM studio, and as I couldn't find anyone to give my tickets to, I decided to go.

When we walked into the XFM session room, Prides said hi to my friends but didn't even look at me. We sat and watched them do several songs and I enjoyed the set, they sounded lovely.  Lewis never looked in my direction, but that was fine, I was just enjoying the music.

After they had finished playing, we got told that we could all have a photo with the band on the way out.  I wasn't sure I would be allowed one, but I queued up anyway. When it came to my turn, I asked if it was ok for me to have a photo, and Stewart said 'Of course, that's what we're here for'. So I walked forward and stood between Stewart and Lewis.  Lewis stared straight ahead and didn't acknowledge I was there. Stewart asked how I was, I said I was good and asked how they were, he and Callum were both friendly and replied, but Lewis remained silent. I asked him 'are you ok Lewis?' He continued staring straight ahead and gruffly said 'yeah'.

We had a couple of photos taken, and I thanked them and started to walk off, but then much to my surprise Stewart said 'thanks for coming!' I know he had to be nice to me because there were people from XFM present, but I was still touched that he thanked me, and it did mean a lot to me. When I got home I tweeted him and thanked him for being so nice and I apologised for the negative things I had said about him in the past, but he ignored me and I still remain twitter blocked by the band.  So yeah I know it was all fake niceness from him so he wouldn't look bad in the presence of people from XFM, but still it made me happy at the time and I am grateful for that.

I wasn't surprised that Lewis was so unfriendly towards me, but at least he did let me have these photos with him. I don't know if he was deliberately looking away on the second picture or had just got distracted?!

I did feel quite humiliated that he wouldn't even look at me and did his best to ignore the fact I was there, it felt a bit dehumanizing, especially seeing how friendly he was with everyone else, chatting to them and smiling on their photos.  But it was my own fault for putting myself in that situation, what did I expect to happen?!

I know I said it before, but now I really have learned my lesson and I definitely will not go to meet Lewis ever again. He's made it clear that he can't bear to even look at me, and now he will never have to again! I had bought a ticket to Prides' album launch in London (mainly because I thought a member of their team would be there who I wanted to thank, although it doesn't seem that he was) but after what happened at XFM I didn't go. I've heard all about it from my friend though and it sounds an interesting night to say the least..!

A few people have told me that they didn't buy Prides' album 'The Way Back Up' because of how the band had treated me.  It's so sweet that people care so much, but honestly, I don't want anyone changing their opinion of Prides because of me. They are a very talented band and I have never known of them to be unkind to any other fans.  So please don't stop being a Prides fan because of me.  If you read all my posts about the times I met Lewis in the past, you can see what a lovely person he really is and how he made me so happy for many months.  Back then, he always made such an effort to be kind to me and he did some special things for me and I will never forget that.

I actually did buy 'The Way Back Up' myself, which some people said I was crazy to do after what had happened.  But as I've said before, I still enjoy Prides' music and although I am yet to listen to the full album, I love the songs on it that I already I know and I'm sure I will like the others too.  Also, I wanted a copy of the 'fanified' poster and to get my name on it.  As I was Prides' 'number 1 fan' (their words not mine) for several months, it seemed only right that I should be a part of it!

Finally I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who read my last post, I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the response I got, I have received kind messages from all over the world! Thank you all, I am so grateful and the kind words mean so much to me.  What happened with Prides in February and May did have a very negative effect on me and my mental health, but I feel much happier again now and I am moving on with my life in a positive way.  I guess that writing this post might seem like a negative backward step, but it helps me to deal with things by writing them and sharing them, and I wanted to finish my blog anyway as it felt incomplete.  I hope I am ending it on a more positive note than my previous post.

Thank you for reading and this really is my final post! No more 'Lewis Prides Fan', just me now. Goodbye!

Greer x

P.S.  Please check out my new blog!

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Why I am no longer a Prides fan

This is the saddest thing I've ever written and I am crying so much, but my time of being a Lewis fan and a Prides fan has come to an end in the most hurtful way.

I wrote about some of this a couple of months ago, but as things got better due to the help of a kind person, I deleted that blog entry. Well since then, things have got so much worse, and it is now impossible for me to ever be a fan of them again.  I know writing this will achieve nothing.  But Prides have been talking about me to other fans, so this is my side of the story. I am in no way saying I am faultless, I have made terrible mistakes, it's all here.

It was in February at Prides' gig in Lincoln that this all began. After the gig, Prides' manager Ally McCrae told me the band would be coming to the merchandise stand to meet fans, as they usually do. But then the venue staff closed up the venue.

I was with another fan who also wanted to meet Prides. We decided to go to the back of the venue to see if we could meet them when they went to their van. When we got there one of the support bands was outside.  We said we wanted to meet Prides and they said why not go in via the back entrance of the venue because there was no security.

Now I know that just because there was noone to stop us, this does not mean I was entitled to go back into the venue.  What I did was an invasion of Prides privacy.  But at the time I didn't think about that, because I am a selfish thoughtless idiot.  Also, I was deluded enough to think that Prides wouldn't mind me coming back in because Ally had said I could meet them.

Me and the other fan walked back in, and Stewart, Callum and Ally were on stage packing up Lewis' drum kit. Callum said Lewis was too ill to see anyone, but then Lewis appeared and I went over to him and he was telling me how ill he was. Being the selfish person that I am, I asked if I could have a photo with him and he said yes, and I asked for a hug and he gave me one and then I left.

It was when I was back outside that I looked at twitter on my phone and I saw that earlier Lewis had tweeted me saying he was too ill to meet me but he'd see me next time.  I knew then that what I'd done was seriously bad.  I'd forced Lewis to see me when he was so poorly and he just wanted some privacy and space. Plus it looked like I'd delibertaly ignored his tweet to me, although this wasn't the case and I genuinely hadn't seen it.

I was absolutely devastated.  I tweeted an apology to Lewis but I knew it was too late.  I think in my heart I knew I had ruined everything forever.  And the last thing I ever wanted to do was upset Lewis, I care about him so much, I love him in a fan love way, I would never intentionally have done something to make him feel uncomfortable in any way.

The next day I DM'd Lewis to apologise again for what I'd done, but he didn't reply. He was tweeting a lot that day, so I knew he was ignoring me and didn't accept my apology and I was panicking so much.

He didn't reply to me all week and I felt so anxious that I'd seriously upset him so I sent him more DM's, which I know now must have been very irritating and the last thing he needed, but that's what I did.  I also DM'd other members of team Prides, which annoyed them all greatly (with the exception of one of them who has been so kind and understanding to me throughout all this.)

Stewart sent me a DM saying I keep messaging them till I get my own way.
I DM'd a lot because I was so anxious about upsetting Lewis and was trying to apologise.  I guess Stewart just thinks I'm a spoilt brat though.

In a last desperate attempt to beg for Lewis' forgiveness, I sent him a private apology which I hoped explained what had happened and gave some context as to why I behaved the way I did.  I shared some very personal stuff about my mental health.  Unfortunately, my private stuff was instantly shared with someone else who it was not intended for.

Lewis then did DM me to say that I was overthinking what had happened at Lincoln and that nobody was overly bothered. But that he was unfollowing me because of all my DM's.

He unfollowed me instantly, then DM'd me via Prides twitter to explain that he had only shared my private message with Ally, which I didn't mind at the time as I thought he was someone I could trust.
And that was the last twitter interaction I ever had with Lewis.

Many months ago he said I could DM him when I had any worries about Prides stuff.  I guess I took him too literally and this is what led to the situation I am in now. I wish he'd just said to me that my DM's were getting too much. Instead he just ignored me for days and never gave me a chance. Anyway, that is the least of my problems. As you will see from the rest of this blog, things got so much worse...

None of Prides would interact with me on twitter for a further 3 weeks after this and noone would tell me why.

One of my friends, 'Fern' (not her real name but she wants to remain annoymous) joined twitter to tweet Prides for me and try to help.  She @ tagged Ally McCrae in her tweets...

Ally, who had long since stopped replying to any of my messages, then DM'd Fern about me! I am horrified that the manager of my favourite band would talk to someone else about me like this.  Yes, Fern is a very dear friend of mine, but she had only joined twitter that week, she didn't have a profile photo of herself, she could have been ANYONE! Anyone could set up a twitter claiming to be someone's friend.  I am so shocked that Ally would act in what I feel was an unprofessional manner and send these messages about me.

I tweeted how upset I was about this, and it was then that Ally replied to an email of mine that he had previously ignored. He explained that because of my known anxiety problems, Prides had got professional advice on how to deal with me. The professional advisor suggested a cooling off period, which was why Prides all ignored me.

I have had mental health problems for 20 years now, and in that time I have received some unpleasant treatment, but nothing like this.  For my favourite band to treat me differently from other fans because of my mental illness, I still can't believe it! And to ignore someone with anxiety is such a cruel thing to do, it just makes that person's anxiety worse.

I replied to Ally's email but got no response.  Fortunately the whole conversation had been CC'd to the kind member of Prides team. He later phoned me and was so sympathetic, as he had previously been unaware of my mental health problems.  Because of him, Prides' twitter started interacting with me again, although Lewis never did on twitter.

I went to the Kiesza tour and Prides did speak to me in person there.  Stewart was his usual self.  Callum seemed to be going out of his way to be extra kind to me and including me in stuff. I don't know if he did it intentionally, but he made me very happy anyway.

I got really upset when I met Lewis on the first night of the tour.  He was pleasant, but so different from how he used to be, he seemed so much colder. But that's ok, I don't expect him to actually like me, why should he? He was still polite and let me have a photo and that is all I wanted.  I asked if he would ever follow me on twitter again and he said maybe one day but not for a very long time.  I had a bit of a cry and I asked if it would be ok if I still came to the rest of the tour or if it would make him uncomfortable and he said it would be fine.

The second night of the tour, he didn't come out to meet fans when Stewart and Callum did after Prides' set, and I thought he would avoid me for the rest of the tour.  But then he did come out after Kiesza's set, and I apologised to him for getting upset at him yesterday and he said it was ok.

The third night of the tour, Prides were in a hurry to leave but Lewis actually got out of the van to let me have a photo. The fourth day he smiled at me when he walked past and I thought things were getting back to how they used to be.

And on the fifth and final night Lewis gave me a hug and when he was talking to me he seemed relaxed and like he used to be.  I thought that because I'd not stepped out of line on the tour he could see how sorry I was and had forgiven me and everything would be like it used to be.

But he continued to ignore me on twitter. He favourited or replied to any other fan who tweeted him, but not me.  It hurt so much, but I could only assume it was not Lewis' decision to do this and maybe the professional adviser was still involved.

The next thing that happened was the Prides DJ party.  It cost me £1700 plus VAT, making a total of £2100 to hire Prides to DJ at my friend's party.  The contract said I had to provide certain professional DJ equipment, which cost me £600 to hire.  The contract didn't say I was getting all 3 members of Prides, it just talked about them as Prides.  It did however talk about things in multiples of 3's, like I had to provide 3 clean towels, so I just assumed I'd get all 3 band members.  I really should have checked with the agency though. it's the most expensive mistake I ever made.

I am surprised though, that when Prides found out Lewis wouldn't attend, that they didn't tell me.  It was because he was ill and I had to find out by a tweet which was not even a personal tweet for me. The first I knew was when Stewart tweeted via the Prides band twitter that he and Callum were DJ'ing that night. Stewart and Callum know that Lewis is my favourite, they knew the booking was made through me.  I can't believe they didn't even tell me themselves!

So I DM'd the Prides twitter and begged would it not be possible for Lewis to come.  I got a DM from Stewart saying isn't this Tracey's party (which it was but I'd paid for it) and that he wouldn't expect to be forced to do something when he was ill.

I wasn't trying to force anyone to do anything, my DM was the desperate words of someone who realised she'd just wasted £2700! I'm not a famous musician, I am a normal woman with no job, this was a big chunk of my life savings! Yes it was stupid of me to spend this amount of money, yes it was foolish of me not to check with the agency that Lewis was coming. Yes a fool and their money are easily parted, I know how stupid I've been, trust me I think about it every day! But I first thought to do this party thing when none of Prides would talk to me in February and I thought it might be my only chance to try to make things right with them.

Although I say the money was wasted, it did cause happiness to my best friend whose party it was and the other Prides fans who were there. So I am happy about that. But in all honesty, I wouldn't have done it if I'd known Lewis wouldn't be there.  I don't think many people would spend such a huge amount of money if they weren't going to get something out of it themselves.  Well, maybe they would, and if so they are much nicer people than me!

And it does hurt that Prides are so lovely to everyone else who was at that party, except me. I spent all that money and everyone benefitted except myself.  But I have only myself to blame for putting myself in that stupid situation because I am a complete idiot. Stewart wasn't even going to thank me when he made his speech at the end of the night, it was only because someone else whispered in his ear that he did. You can see that in the video on my post about the party.

I am glad that Prides are nice to my friends still, I want them to be happy.  But how have I ended up as the evil bitch when I did something so nice for everyone?  Even though I was selfishly motivated, it was still the best party of my friend's life and the other Prides fans who were there.  Prides got paid, Lewis even got paid for not being there.  And I was glad he got paid, I wanted him to have my money to try to say sorry to him for the Lincoln incident and my DM's.  I know it's a tiny amount to someone like him though.

At the party, we had to provide a security guard, it was one of Prides' demands.  A friend's dad very kindly was our security, even though he didn't get paid and gave up his Saturday night to do this.  He says he asked Stewart what he needed him to do and Stewart said 'Just keep my fans off me'. There were only about 10 of us there!

I'd bought Easter eggs for all of Prides.  When I tweeted Lewis to see if he got the egg, he ignored me. I tweeted him get well soon, he ignored me while favouriting my friend who tweeted him the same at the same time.  I knew then that he had a major issue with me but I didn't know what. And as usual noone in Prides would tell me.  Although my kind friend did phone me because he actually cares.

So time passed, and then it was time to see Prides at the Young Scot Awards in Edinburgh.  I met Lewis at the red carpet. He smiled at everyone else, but not me, but he let me have 2 photos with him and I am grateful for that.

Stewart walked past me on the red carpet and didn't acknowledge me. Callum said hi Greer even though I was talking to Lewis when he walked past. That was nice of him.

I went over to Prides again and asked Lewis if I could have another photo. There was a nice lady from the Daily Record who was going to interview them. I'd met her earlier and she said to Prides 'it's your superfan' and then Stewart was all smiley and nice to me.  I got another photo with Lewis but it didn't turn out, but that wasn't his fault, it was nice of him to let me have 3 photos with him, they were just all taken into the sun.

At the awards, Prides were the first act to perform. Lewis came on stage before the others and I was screaming so loud.  I was sitting with my friends in the upper balcony and noone else around us was showing any interest in Prides, but we were cheering for them. When Edith Bowman interviewed them afterwards she said about the screaming before they even started playing. That was me for Lewis!

After the awards, all the celebrities came out by the front door to meet fans.  Prides didn't appear so me and my friends went to near the side door where their van was parked. I'd gone by the side of their van to see if it actually was their van, and then 2 of my friends were shouting at me so I went back to them.  They said they'd just seen Lewis, he'd looked at them and then ran away.  I thought this seemed unlikely and he'd probably just forgotten something and gone back inside, but the same thing happened to me on Saturday.

Anyway, then we saw Scott, Prides tour manager. I asked him if Prides were still inside and he said yes but that they would leave by the front door because they were going to an afterparty. So we went and waited by the front door.  Meanwhile, Prides left by the side door.

I wasn't actually upset at the time, as I'd already met Lewis that day. Although I would have loved to see him again and hopefully get a better photo with him! But my friends were upset as they'd all travelled to the awards for Prides and felt like they'd avoided them.

Then we saw Ally McCrae. He gave me a big hug and asked if I was well.  I asked him why Lewis still ignores me on twitter.  He said he didn't know.  I asked if it was still to do with the professional adviser and he said no.  He said I needed to give Lewis more time.  I said it had been 2 and a half months now and I didn't know why Lewis had a problem with me as noone would tell me.  He just said that Lewis is a 'tricky person' and that I need to give him time.

Then me and my friends walked into an afterparty and spent the evening with the other celebrities who were all lovely to us and I had a great time!

One of my friends was in tears because of Prides though, and later in our hotel room the others said how unhappy they were about Prides avoiding us. So me being the idiot that I am tweeted Prides saying I was in a room with 3 other Prides fans who were very upset.

The next day, Callum DM'd 2 other Prides fans about my tweets.  He DM'd my best friend and one of my friends who was still in the hotel with me.  I am not happy that he spoke to other Prides fans about me and I think it was very unfair of him to get my friends involved.  It put them in a horrible position, and maybe Callum underestimated friend loyalty.  They both told me about his DM's.  The language used in one was not pleasant.

I tweeted about this which clearly angered Prides greatly.  Prides twitter blocked me long enough for me to no longer be following them and then unblocked me (they have since blocked me again). Lewis blocked me and has never unblocked me.  I hadn't tweeted him anything negative. The last thing I tweeted him was about how amazing he was at the awards.

I didn't find out that Lewis had blocked me till that evening when I was in a hotel in Leeds.  I thought it was the lowest moment of my life, but I wasn't even prepared for what happened next...

So the next day was Live At Leeds festival where I was seeing Prides. When I got to the venue where Prides were I saw Stewart.  I asked him why Lewis had blocked me on twitter. He said he didn't know.  I asked if they didn't speak to each other about these things and he said no and he didn't control what Lewis did on twitter.  I said doesn't anyone take responsibility for what happens in this band. He asked what I meant by 'take responsibility'. I explained that noone will tell me what Lewis' problem with me is and I'd already tried to ask their manager Ally.  Then Stewart laughed, like when someone does an unamused sarcastic laugh. I said don't laugh at me when I'm upset and he looked so angry and said I'd have to speak to Lewis. Then he said he needed to know where the toilet was, so I directed him and he walked off.

It was very uncomfortable watching Prides perform. Stewart did not seem his usual happy self on stage at all, and he and Callum never made eye contact with me.  Lewis did a couple of times and I thought maybe this was a good sign.  I tried not to cry, but then I did a bit during Higher Love and I don't even know why because it's not one of my favourite songs.

Then I cheered up a bit because Prides' music makes me so happy and I found myself singing along! But then my friend I was with started crying.

After the gig me and my friend sat near the entrance to backstage to see if we could meet Prides.
After a while, Callum came out to talk to us. I apologised for angering him on twitter and he put his arm round me and said it was ok.  He sat with me and my friend and was kind. I asked him if he knew why Lewis had blocked me and he said he didn't know.  He said I'd have to talk to Lewis.  I asked if Lewis would even speak to me and he said he didn't know.  I asked if Lewis would let me have a photo with him.  He said he didn't know.  I knew then that this was a no.  I asked Callum why Lewis was so angry with me.  He said he didn't know, but he thought he felt a lot of negativity from me.

I said my only negativity was because of Lewis ignoring me on twitter while interacting with all other fans, after all my support for him and I was his biggest fan.  I asked Callum if it was because of the professional advice they'd been given, and he said he knew nothing about any professional advice.  I said Ally had told me they've got professional advice about me.  He asked if Ally had really said this.  I explained I had it in writing in an email he sent me. I asked if it was because of the Lincoln incident and Callum said that it really wasn't a big deal and noone was angry about it.

I asked Callum if I'd freaked Lewis out by being such an obsessive fan.  A family member of mine is married to someone who used to be in a band, and he said that if he'd had a fan like me he would've left the band because it would have been too much pressure for him.  I told Callum about this and asked if this was how Lewis felt, and he said not at all.

I got very upset while I was talking to Callum, I was crying so much I couldn't speak or breathe.  He said he'd let me compose myself and then he'd come back.  He never did though.  I don't blame him, it wasn't his problem to deal with and at least he did talk to me and treat me like a human being.

Shortly after that, Lewis came out from backstage.  He was surrounded by fans who Prides had invited backstage.  He walked up the stairs and I followed and said Lewis.  I thought he didn't hear me.  I said Lewis again and I realised he was ignoring me.  Then a Prides fan, one of my friends, held me back and said leave him alone Greer. I said get off me and she pushed me back. Now I guess Lewis had asked the Prides fans to surround him so I couldn't get near him.  However I doubt very much that he had asked anyone to push me.  If it was anyone's place to manhandle me, it should have been one of the venue's security guards, or Prides' tour manager.  I somehow doubt though that a man would have pushed me in this manner, unless I had been causing any trouble, which I wasn't.  I was just saying Lewis' name.  He chose to ignore me, fair enough, that is his decision.  This fan who pushed me... she had accepted a Prides ticket from me in March which I gave her for free because I thought she was my friend.  I have checked and according to the law what she did was assault.  I just hope that noone from Prides asked her to do this, I really don't think they did though.

Anyway, I went back to my friend and although I was very upset at Lewis refusing to even acknowledge I was there, I wasn't too bad.  I cried a bit, but  because my friend was also upset, I managed to keep it together as I needed to look after her too.

But then I suddenly had this feeling of complete panic and I didn't think I could cope . I thought about taking myself to hospital but I was scared they would section me, but I was desperate for some extra medication to help me cope.  I decided to phone the Samaritans for advice, but obviously I could not hear to make a phone call in the venue.

So I went outside, which I felt awkward about because the Prides van was parked by the only way out of the venue.  As I left the venue Lewis was there with a woman. They saw me and ran off.  The woman was running behind Lewis and pushing him along and they were laughing and ran into a bar or somewhere.

I felt so hurt. I genuinely hadn't come out to try to see Lewis. I didn't even know he was still out there.  I went across the road and phoned the Samaritans.  The only advice they could give me was to phone the NHS helpline, which I did, but they said they needed to do a full assessment on me, and I was scared I was going to get sectioned so I went back into the venue and then me and my friend went back to the hotel.

It was the most humiliating and upsetting night of my life.  Seeing Lewis running away from me laughing, like I was a horrible freak to be avoided. After all my months of support for him. And it was even worse with the other Prides fans watching on as it all happened.

And that was that.  Lewis has still blocked me.  Prides twitter have blocked me again. Bizarrely even their sound guy and tour manager have blocked me.  I have literally never tweeted their tour manager and I think I tweeted their sound man once, about a funny picture he drew of Prides.

So that is the sad end to my time as a Prides fan.  I put my heart and soul and a lot of time and money into supporting them, and yet they hate me.  The only thing I know I did wrong was when I met them at Lincoln and I have repeatedly been told that noone is bothered about it.  So I just don't know why they are so angry at me. I would apologise if I knew what I'd done that is so wrong!

It hurts so much that Lewis who I adore hates me so much.

I am also upset that Prides were happy to accept my £2100 payment when they hate me so much.  Surely it is a bit unethical to accept such a huge payment from a fan whose mental health they were so concerned about, according to Ally. There was no breatch of contract though, I'll never get my money back, and the money isn't the issue here anyway.

I would've given or done anything for Lewis to forgive me for whatever he's so angry about, but I know that will never happen now.  I could never hate him though, I tried to feel angry with him, but I couldn't.  He's just too amazing and I don't think he's a bad person.  I'm sure he has valid reasons for why he has treated me like this, but I'll never understand as noone will tell me and they say I need to speak to him but he refuses to speak to me!

I know I'll get a lot of hate for writing this blog.  But a lot of things have been said about me.  As I know Prides have discussed me with other fans (who happened to be my friends so I found out about it), I can only imagine what they could have said about me to other fans who don't like me! As Ally McCrae DM'd my friend on twitter about me, I wonder who else he might have spoken to.

There's not much else I can say.  Thank you to anyone who has read my blog.  I doubt I'll be writing any more posts now.  I hope you enjoyed my happier blog entries.  I am so sad it has ended like this.  I thought I was a Prides fan for life.  I will always love their music and think Lewis is an amazing drummer, but I can't support a band who have been so mean to me.  They don't want my support anyway.


Sunday, 26 April 2015

Chloe Black

Since I saw Prides in London, I have become a huge fan of CHLØË BLACK, who was also supporting Kiesza that night as I wrote in an earlier post.

Now I listen to Chloe's music as much as I listen to Prides. I never thought I would love another artist so much, but Chloe has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard and her music is so captivating.

Chloe is such an amazing performer and singer. She is also a very nice person who is kind to her fans and spends a lot of time interacting on twitter and talking to fans at her shows.

When I met her at London she was so lovely and friendly, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I think meeting Lewis and Chloe at the same time was actually the best thing that's ever happened to me!

I'm going to see Chloe again at Live At Leeds and Barn On the Farm festivals, which I am so excited about! I had this dress printed for when I see her at Leeds:

Chloe's '27 Club' EP and single are available now to buy. Here is the link for iTunes:-

I suggest you buy the EP so you also get her wonderful song 'Cruel Intentions' and a remix of '27 Club'.

I also recommend you watch the video for '27 Club'. It is the most beautiful video I have ever seen and is like a mini movie in itself:-

Chloe's newest song is 'Professional', which was inspired by the film 'Leon'. It is my very favourite of her songs; I especially love the lyrics 'Give me love or give me death'.
You can listen to 'Professional' here:-

To keep up to date with all Chloe Black's news:-

Sign up to Chloe's official mailing list via her website:

Follow Chloe on Twitter:

Like Chloe on Facebook:

Listen to Chloe on SoundCloud:

Also make sure you check out Chloe's Instagram which she updates almost daily and has the most gorgeous pictures and video clips you will ever see:-

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Prides DJ Party, April 2015

This post is about the most amazing thing I've ever done...

I hired Prides to DJ at my friend, Tracey Faye's, 25th birthday party!

To be honest, when I first made email inquiries to try to arrange this, I never thought it would be possible. It was actually when I was in the queue to see Prides at Manchester last month that I got email confirmation that they'd agreed to do the party, it was the most incredible moment of my life!

My free time during the rest of the tour was spent getting the contract confirmed, which was not very easy when reliant on a slow hotel computer, and I had to go to an appointment at the bank wearing my tour clothes (a Prides sweater) but I managed to get it all done!

After the tour, the next week and a half of my life was spent planning the party and getting everything organised. I had to hire some very specific DJ equipment which I knew nothing about except what it was called, but a very helpful company got it all booked and arranged for me.

I even got a dress specially for the party. I don't usually wear dresses, but I wanted to fit in with everyone else and look the part, so I bought a plain black dress and had 'I heart Lewis Prides' printed on it.  The people at the printing shop remembered me from when I'd had my Lewis t-shirts made!

Tracey's party was on Saturday 4th April, but I went up to Glasgow on the Thursday beforehand to get everything ready. I wanted to keep Prides DJ'ing a secret from Tracey, so it would be a lovely surprise for her. Of course I had to tell her some things and that I was planning something big, in order for me to get everything in place, but I managed to keep the most important things a surprise.

Thursday was a fun day spent with Tracey and her friends in Glasgow.  I gave Tracey her birthday present, which was a triangle, because a while ago on Twitter, Prides said that she could be their triangle player! She said it was the best present ever!

Then on Friday I spent the day at Tracey's house, getting everything ready.  She was busy cleaning the house, while I was having a last minute panic about things getting stuck in closed depots and other such worries!

That evening we went to Asda to buy essentials for the party, ie lots of alcohol! Also I'd been asked to provide some specific stuff for Prides.

On Saturday, I got up early to go to Tracey's house. I couldn't believe the day was finally here! I was so stressed, expecting everything to go wrong. And in my heart, I already feared the worst, and the worst did happen.  But I was the only person upset by it, and as it was a party for Tracey, not me, the party was not ruined.

Basically, when I first had the plan to hire Prides, the main reason I wanted to do it was to make Tracey happy and to thank her for being there for me when I was at my lowest.  But I am not going to lie and make myself out to be some saintly character that I'm not. I was equally motivated by selfish reasons, I wanted to see Lewis DJ. Also, as I had caused a lot of stress to Prides in February, I thought that by hiring them and obviously paying them, it could maybe be a way to try to make things up to them. I know the money is a small amount to members of a famous band, but it was a lot to me, and I hoped they would see that I was trying to say sorry for what I'd done.

But I found out on the afternoon of the party that Lewis would not be DJ'ing. I had already suspected this would happen, as ten minutes after I arrived in Glasgow he tweeted that he was sick, so it was not a huge surprise, but it just broke me and I burst into tears. It was explained to me that Prides usually only DJ as a pair, so there was no guarantee Lewis would even have been there if he'd been well. But I was so devastated. I had spent several thousand, including the hiring of all the equipment. But I have only myself to blame. I knew the risks and craziness of spending so much money on a couple of hours. I just thought it would be once in a lifetime and would be so worth it.

Also, I am at fault because I did not check with the agency exactly which members of Prides would attend.  It had crossed my mind that I should do this, but I was trying to keep my correspondence with the agency professional sounding, so they wouldn't realise I was just a fan. They probably knew this anyway, and of course Prides knew who I am. I really should have checked and been less concerned about what people thought of me. That is something I can only learn from.

So please, do not think I am in any way criticising Prides or the agency for what happened. And I am certainly not criticising Lewis. It is not his fault he was ill, and I really hope he is ok now.

Once I got the news about Lewis, I had a complete meltdown.  It was then that there was a knock at the door and it was the delivery of all the DJ equipment.  So I had to meet the delivery driver in floods of tears which was really embarrassing, but he was really nice and it was all ok.

After that, the rest of the preparations went really well and everything fell into place. The marquee got assembled, the equipment was set up, people started arriving and everyone was so excited. I was really happy for Tracey and everyone, I just couldn't stop crying and I felt so bad because I didn't want to bring anyone else down.

Tracey and her friends were all so kind to me and tried to make me feel better. They are such lovely people. And I'd invited 3 of my own friends to the party; when they arrived they were all so sweet to me and looked after me. Such lovely kind people, I will never forget what any of them did for me.

We weren't sure what time exactly Prides would arrive, but we knew it would be sometime between 6.30 and 7.15pm. So me and my friends went out into the street to wait for them. And then a car drove round the corner and I could see Stewart and Callum, and it all felt so surreal. They both gave me a hug. Callum's lovely girlfriend, Claire, was with them and she gave me a hug and said she liked my dress. There was also someone else with them, Scott, who used to play bass in Lewis and Stewart's old band, Midnight Lion. I'd met him a couple of times before at gigs and festivals, but I'd never known who he was, although he had taken lovely photos of me with Lewis before!

Anyway, we went inside with Callum and Stewart, and I gave Tracey's friends the code word 'pug' so they knew to get Tracey downstairs. When she came downstairs and saw Stewart in her house, I think she nearly died of shock!! As soon as I saw her happy face, at that moment I knew it was all worthwhile, despite Lewis not being there.

Everyone went out into the garden and to the marquee and the party stated.  I went and hid upstairs and had a bit of a cry, but it was still lovely to look outside and see everyone having so much fun! My friends kept trying to get me to come and join them, nobody wanted me to be left out, but it was difficult for me. I was so happy to see everyone else so happy, and it was so amazing to have 2 members of my favourite band there and to know that it was because of me that they were there! But I just couldn't get past the fact that Lewis wasn't there. Any of you who've read my blog, will know how much he means to me. This should have been the best night of my life, but it was the opposite and I didn't think I'd be able to get over it.

Later, I did go down to the party for a bit, and it was lovely to see Stewart and Callum DJ'ing.

Then they played a song by Foster The People, and my heart broke. The second time I ever met Lewis was when Prides supported Foster The People at Manchester, and it was one of the best times I ever had with Lewis. I had stood with him for most of Foster The People's set, and we'd spent so much time talking. So it was all too much, and I went back upstairs again. The next song that came on was a song that Lewis had tweeted about liking recently, so that made me cry even more.

Then one of my friends came upstairs and she stayed up there with me for like half an hour. I felt so bad that she was missing the party because of me, but she was so kind and just wanted to make sure I was ok. Sophie if you read this, I will never forget you were there for me.

We did go back down eventually and it was fun.  Tracey's friends kept trying to get me to dance, and it was so sweet of them, I just didn't feel like it though. Then Callum's girlfriend, Claire, came over to me and gave me a hug. She asked if I wanted to talk and we went inside and she was so kind to me. I won't repeat a private conversation, but she said some really nice things, and the fact that the girlfriend of a member of my favourite band would take the time to care about me and look after me, it means the world. Then we went back to the marquee and Callum came over to talk to me and he gave me lots of hugs and he said some nice things too.

Shannon and Callum

Claire and Callum

Me with Claire and Callum

Me with Claire and Callum (and Stewart and Scott photobomb!)

Then I was sitting by myself, and Scott came over to talk to me.  He was really kind too and reassured me, and I found it really easy to talk to him about stuff like my mental health problems. He gave me some really good advice and was really nice and understanding and it meant so much to me.

I actually am so overwhelmed by the kindness of so many people at the party, I don't think I have ever felt so loved and appreciated by so many people in all my life.

And most importantly, Tracey was having the time of her life! It made my heart so happy to see her dancing and smiling so much and having the party of her dreams!

And it was so lovely to see everyone there having such a lovely time. So many people said to me it was the best party ever, which it was!

Here are a few short videos I filmed of the party...

When it was time for Prides to finish DJ'ing, Stewart made a speech and wished Tracey a happy birthday. He thanked me too, which was nice. Then Tracey got everyone to chant 'we love Greer' and it was so sweet and meant so much to me.

I videoed this speech too...

I got a photo with Stewart before he left.

And I said goodbye to Callum and thanked him for always being so kind to me. He said 'I always am', which is true, he was really nice to me on the recent tour when I felt so nervous about everything.

I had bought Easter eggs for all of Prides. Tracey had given Callum and Stewart theirs, and I gave Lewis' egg to them to give to him. Unfortunately I was unable to get him his favourite chocolate, but I hope he liked it anyway.

The night didn't end there. Several of us went on to O2 ABC for the club night there, which was good and I enjoyed the music and had fun with Tracey and friends.

We spent most of the evening in the upstairs room, then I noticed a man wearing a certain very distinctive hat and it was Callum! Tracey went and said hi to him and he said we could come and drink with him and Stewart! I thanked him for being so kind to me again and asked if I could be 'Callum Prides Fan' now and he said yes! I'm not really going to be though, I love Callum so much, he really is a genuinely kind person, but Lewis will always be my idol.

So Tracey and I went to the downstairs room, and Stewart was there and so was lovely Emily and Claire, and it was so nice to see them all.

I didn't try to drink with them though or anything. I don't think that would be appropriate. I'm just a fangirl, I'm not trying to be friends with anyone, and I think if you see your favourite band in their private time, it's lovely if they say hi and let you have a photo, but you have to know and respect the boundaries.

I must say, when I heard we were going out in Glasgow, my first thought was, I hope Neil from The Wild Curve is there, and yes he was! Always so lovely to see him, he is the nicest guy ever! He asked me if I was ok and I was like no! I told him what had happened and he was so nice about it all, and gave me a hug.

And much to my happiness, someone else very lovely was there, Alice Bentley who I saw support Prides in Inverness on their February headline tour.  I couldn't believe that she actually recognised me! She gave me a hug and she said it was so nice to actually meet me this time! She is lovely and beautiful and such a sweet kind person, I was so excited to get to talk to her!

And then I couldn't believe it, there was KLOË too! She gave me a hug and I said it made my night to see her and she said it made hers to see me! She is so lovely and so stunning and it was so exciting to meet her again!

So I think everyone I love from the Glasgow music scene was in that room, except Kieran from The WildCurve and of course Lewis!

Tracey had a nice time too. We stayed till nearly the end of the night and I said goodbye to Callum and Stewart and thanked them again for the party.

As we were leaving we saw Neil and Alice again! I had another chat with them, and I thanked Alice for still following me on twitter despite some recent things, and she was so kind and understanding about it all. Neil gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and I asked him to release my favourite Wild Curve song 'Foreverever' and he said they will do. I ask him this every time I see him and I tweet it to Kieran all the time too! I just need those trumpets in my life!

Then me and Tracey left, and waited for a taxi at what we thought was a taxi rank but was actually a disabled parking bay! But we got home eventually, tired and emotional but we'd had an amazing time!

Although the party was not what I'd hoped for, and for me personally, it was the biggest and most expensive disappointment of my life, I am still glad it happened. I am so happy that I made my best friend and other friends and so many Prides fans happy. I also heard that Callum and Stewart enjoyed the party too, and that makes me happy.  The money was a lot, but it's gone now, and it brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people. What more could I hope to achieve? And I do have fond memories and I spoke to so many lovely people, and it was such a big event that I managed to organise, so I do feel quite proud of that.

Sunday, 29 March 2015

London, March 2015

The 34th time I met Lewis was at the O2 Shepherd's Bush Empire in London on Tuesday 24th March 2015.

This was the fifth date of Prides UK tour supporting Kiesza.

I got to the venue at just after 1pm to queue. I thought I was going to have a long lonely wait by myself, but soon afterwards a fan of Kiesza arrived and I spent the afternoon talking to him.  He felt sorry for me because I was so cold (and inadequately dressed because I'm an idiot) and he offered me his coat. I wore it all afternoon and it made such a difference. It was really kind of him. Thank you Andy, if you ever read this.

While we were queuing, something really exciting happened! Ljuba was walking past and she came over to say hi to me and Andy! She knew him from other times he'd seen Kiesza and she actually remembered me from Glasgow! I couldn't believe it! I got a photo with her and she stayed outside to talk to us for ages.

She is such a lovely friendly person and so beautiful! I told her I'd been to the whole tour and that I was a really big fan of Prides and I asked if she'd spent much time with them yet. But she said because of their busy schedule and sound check times they kept missing each other. I told her how much I like Lewis and she said she liked listening to him drumming because he hits the drums so hard and is so loud.  She said she was going to speak to him today.  I asked if it would be possible for me to have a photo with her and Lewis, and she said she'd ask him! I was so happy!

A while later Prides arrived. They got out of a car and I said hi Lewis and he said hi Greer and gave me a wave! He really is the kindest loveliest person ever, it's moments like that which make my life!

Although I was queuing for such a long time, it was fun! I made friends with other fans and I met some people who knew people I knew and they were lovely.  There were several fans who travel round the country to meet their favourites, like I do, which was really nice. Also, my lovely friends from Czech were there too, I was so happy to see them again! So the time actually passed really quickly.

Tracey Faye had travelled all the way from Glasgow that day. She joined me in the queue just after 6pm. I was so happy to be reunited with her again!

We got to the front centre barrier inside the venue and we were so excited!

Tonight there was an extra support act, Chloe Black. I had never heard any of Chloe's music before and I didn't know what to expect. She was absolutely amazing! She has a very beautiful voice and her songs are so lovely. She is also quite possibly the most beautiful person I have ever seen.  She has the most stunning figure ever and the most amazing hair and beautiful eyes. She is a goddess!

After she played she came to the front barrier to talk to fans. I got a photo with her and she was so lovely.

Then it was nearly time for Prides, so me and Tracey put our glow sticks on and were feeling very excited!

Prides were absolutely awesome and it was one of my favourite times of seeing them! Lewis looked even more handsome than ever and was doing the most gorgeous drumface and his arm moves and I love him so much! He really is a god!

It was really nice during the gig when Stewart saw Tracey and he smiled at her. That made her night!

After they'd played, me and Tracey headed to the back of the venue, where we met Mel, who I knew from online! She is so lovely and it was so wonderful to meet her in person at last!

Mel writes a lovely blog, please check it out here:

I really enjoyed watching Kiesza again. Although we were at the back of the venue, I found there was a brilliant view from the bar, so I got to see lovely Ljuba dancing which made me very happy! She really is the most amazing dancer I have ever seen! And even when I couldn't see so well, I was just enjoying myself dancing in the corner of the venue! By now I had got to know Kiesza's songs and I really liked them, and there was such a happy atmosphere!

After Kiesza had finished, Prides came to the merchandise stand.  Lewis gave me a hug and it was the happiest moment of the whole tour for me!! It made my life!! I asked him if he'd met Ljuba and he said yes and that she'd told him I wanted a photo and he said he'd make sure we got one tomorrow. (Unfortunately however the Nottingham gig got cancelled so I never got the photo, but it doesn't matter cos I'm just so happy that they both had agreed to it!)

I did get a lovely photo with Lewis, which is one of my favourites from the tour.

Tracey spent a lot of time talking to Stewart and he gave her a hug and 2 kisses on the cheek, which made her very happy!

I got a great photo of Tracey and Stewart posing!

Ally was there and he gave me a hug and high five, which made me so happy! He is so lovely and it was really nice to see him again!

I got a photo with one of my lovely friends Zdeňka, from the Czech Republic!

Then me, Tracey and Mel got a funny photo with Lewis! After we'd had it taken he said that was a lovely one!

Then I saw Chloe Black had come out to meet fans again, so I got a photo with her and some of my friends from the queue, Ash, Natalie, and Becky.

Then Chloe attempted to belly bump Lewis! But neither of them have beer bellies so it looked a bit weird, but that doesn't matter because they are the 2 most beautiful people in the whole world!

I got a lovely photo with Lewis and Chloe, which made my life! They are both so gorgeous and lovely and this is one of my favourite photos ever! I felt like I'd had my photo taken with a real life god and goddess!!

Then it was time for us to leave the venue, and Tracey sang Prides songs all the way back to our hotel! I think this was my favourite night ever of seeing Prides, it was so much fun!